Maybe
by IAmNotASardine
Summary: She may not be able to fit along side everybody else in society, but maybe that will all change. Someday. Oneshot


**A/n- Just a oneshot of what Saya thinks about herself and her kind. I wanted to capture her in a different state of mind in this because all the other fics I've read talk about how guilty she feels about everything. This excludes the "guilty Saya" and talks about her life from her point of view. It's straight to the point if I may warn you. But please enjoy. :)**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Blood+.**

* * *

How many mirrors have I gazed into over the years and not one change has taken effect? I've lost count of everything my eyes have touched, including people.

I strived for so long to figure out the mysteries that made my being. Just like everybody else I've come into contact with. My kind is like a virus, spreading and never ending. Almost like cancer. We cannot be extinguished from society, no matter if you load a hundred bullets in our chests, pierce our hearts with a thousand daggers, or tie us down and beat us mercilessly.

Who created us? Were we created by the hands of man? Or are we a mutation of another creature that passed long ago and has grown into something unstoppable? Why am I not able to age? Why do I stay in this girl's body and not in a monster's? Why can't I die?

I can die. I am able to be drowned, crushed.....or burned to death.

I don't believe in the theory that people have tried to program in my mind over the years; that I'm immortal. Immortality is only a fantasy. But, if it's a fantasy, then why am I living proof? Why?

Maybe we have longer life spans then human beings? Or maybe I haven't fully developed yet? Why do I need to sleep for so long in between short periods of time? Is my strength really that important? Even so, what am I ever going to use it for now that my battle's over?

* * *

My life has twisted and turned and molded into something over the years that I'm not able to describe. I remember when it all started back at The Zoo. I remember the spoiled brat who got everything her precious heart desired from a certain man who claimed her to be his treasure.

I was the grand prize. I was something new. Joel loved me more than anything in the world. I know the things people have tried to plant in my thoughts, stating that Joel only loved me for money and discovery. But I knew he loved me and cared about me, even if it wasn't the right kind of love a human being would sought for. Joel handled me like I was precious merchandise, a newly discovered jewel, a diamond. I could never be taken away from him.

* * *

At The Zoo, I was served anything and everything. Just to keep me happy. Whenever I wanted a new pink dress made for me, it would be on my bed in 3 hours. If I wanted a bowl of cherries and milk without stems and pits, it would be brought to me in seconds. Anything to keep me happy. I was special and unique. I didn't know anything. From the moment I was born, this is how my life went about for 50 some years.

Hell, I was already 50 years old when Hagi arrived. I was an old hag already!

But I didn't know. I didn't know why I never aged. Why my body stayed so young and unblemished, whilst I saw other girls beginning to wear rouge to cover up their acne. Why they developed breasts and mine stayed small. Why their voices changed and mine stayed soft and limber. Why they had boyfriends and I didn't. Why didn't I get acne? Why did all the other girls I knew grow up into women, but I stayed a girl?

* * *

I never had any friends either, now that I recall. Nobody wanted to befriend a monster. For all they knew, I could suck their guts and leave their carcass on the ground to dry out and wilt in the sun. I might as well could have drawn crop circles because I was looked at as an alien. I had nobody to call "friend". All the girls I saw that would visit The Zoo would give me dirty looks, or run to another side of the mansion. Anything to get away from me.

Even the servants looked down upon me. The animals would scurry and flee when I tried to approach them. I was a predator. And they were my prey. Everybody was afraid of me. But I never understood what I was doing wrong. Why didn't anybody get close to me?

For 50 years, I stayed locked inside the mansion, roaming around carelessly. Eating sweets and delicious meals everyday. Getting to wear beautiful gowns and dresses, having my hair fixed and perfumed, having all my little trinkets and jewelry given to me laid across my vanity so I could look at them and smile. Having the maids come and run me bubble baths and present me with the finest fragrances in France. I had it all. I was living every girl's dream.

* * *

Then Hagi arrived.

I remember sitting in the garden one day looking at the roses and different mixtures of beautiful blossoms along the walkways. I was called by a servant to see Joel in the courtyard. Joel of all people, wanted to see me? Maybe he got me a carriage to ride in? Or maybe I finally got to go outside the walls of The Zoo. When I arrived though, that wasn't the case.

There stood a young boy who looked about 11 or 12. Joel was grinning happily whilst this boy, had a scowl drawn all over his face. He didn't look too happy to be there. I couldn't blame him. This place was a prison.

I asked Joel who he was because I was curious. He was very adorable. I almost chuckled before regaining my ladylike composure at the way he stood there looking all huffy with his feathers ruffled. It was humorous to see a little boy try and be mad like a man. He was so cute.

I learned that his name was Hagi. Then my life changed from there on out, up until now. I didn't know that this rebellious little boy would grow up and become a handsome Victorian man that would love me for all I was worth. And that he would strive to meet my every need and want; willingly. And that he would protect me from any possible danger and hold me when I cried; telling me everything would be alright even if it wasn't. That he would give up everything for me and move to a communist country if I wanted him too. He would die for me a million times.

How can somebody love someone like me? Why did Hagi love me more than himself? Why did he give up everything to be along my side and protect me? Did I really deserve it as much as he said I did?

Hagi wasn't so caring and protective of me at first. We spat at each other verbally nearly the first 2 weeks he arrived. But I didn't know that he was hurting inside. I was blind of course. I was only focused on what people could do for **me. **Hagi in my eyes at the time, was another person to make me happy. Because I didn't know how to truly make friends. I never had any to begin with. So having this boy forced to be my friend was new to me. I finally had a friend. Or so I thought.

I didn't know friends could hate you, or become hurt. He was a new toy to me. I wanted him to do everything for me. Polish my shoes, bring me roses, and help change my clothes (which didn't go so well.)

I didn't know boys blushed. I thought girls only did that when they were embarrassed or had a crush on a boy they liked. Hagi was the first boy I saw blush before running out of the room like a rabbit being chased by a hound dog. It was rather amusing.

But then I was persuaded to teach him cello by Joel. My father. So I did. Hagi became irritated at my demands and threw the bow half across the room before getting up and shouting at me. Saying that he would do anything I wanted, even at night. Whatever I wanted, because he had no choice. Then, he told me my people bought him. He really didn't have a choice but to fulfill my selfish wants.

I was starstruck. I couldn't believe that people bought other people like they bought dresses or food. I was never told things like that so it shocked me to hear it from his mouth. He started crying. He was hurt. I then smacked myself mentally. Hagi was taken away from his parents at a young age. I couldn't imagine what it would feel like if I was taken away from Joel and sold to somebody else's family to be a slave for them. I felt so much pain for Hagi.

I comforted him and held him close. I told him everything would be alright because I never wanted him to feel like he was merchandise or property. Hagi probably has never had anybody care about him before or comfort him.

Our relationship from there on became stronger and stronger over time. Up until now, Hagi claims he lives only for me and me alone. That every breath he breathes is for my lungs.

I had a friend all along. Somebody more than a friend. We grew up together in the mansion. We played games like hide and seek, skipped rocks across the lake, chased animals, had hay fights, played cello together, fenced, told stories, and laughed. We also got into the craziest of troubles like pouring soapy water in Amshel's office so he would slip and fall when he entered. Or the time when I dared Hagi to throw a fish in a guest's luggage. I never got punished as bad as Hagi did. I would only have to write or re-take etiquette class whilst he got whipped and had to do extra chores. He said he never regretted it though.

* * *

We had fun together for 13 years in the mansion. Until that day when Hagi turned into a chevalier and Diva escaped. My heavenly bliss was destroyed.

I always wondered when being at The Zoo would end. I got my wish and it was presented to me in the most god awful way. I had a mission to accomplish. To extinguish my sister so that humans could live without chiropterans. We are a threat to society because we cannot be controlled like most creatures. You cannot place us in an exhibit at a zoo. We're monsters.

Why is our blood so different from a human's? Why is our blood so potent? Is there a special chemical in ours that others don't have? Are we mutants? Or are we natural creatures? Did man or God create us?

I will probably never know the answers to what I'm about. It's weird that even I want to study myself just as humans want to study us. I've been studied for all my life.

* * *

Diva.

I loved Diva with all my heart even though she destroyed a lot of things. She was misunderstood. I didn't blame Diva for the way she was, I blame Joel. He only made her that way. She was mentally scarred forever, far beyond me.

My sister was locked in a tower for 60 years. She was treated like a beast. Looked at like an insect smashed against a windshield. Isolated in a room with hardly any contact with a living creature except Amshel. She didn't have friends. She didn't have pretty dresses to wear, or jewels to look at on her vanity. She didn't have parties to go to. She couldn't eat sweets and chase animals. She couldn't play cello or tell stories or have hay fights. She was lifeless. Only a guinea pig to be observed over time. Just an experiment to see the outcome of a domesticated chiropteran compared to a locked away chiropteran. Just a lab rat to see if our kind was capable of living among humans and what would happen if we weren't pounded with human morals and norms everyday.

I know that what Diva became was not her fault. She didn't know. Just like me. We were both so confused about who we were and what our purpose was on earth. But I had to rid her from earth. For the sake of the selfish humans. She was a threat, but I saw her no more a threat than I was. We were sisters. We look alike. We're blood related. She was the only person that shared my DNA other than Hagi. Why did they want me to kill myself? My other half? My family? My baby sister?

I should have just let her roam and destroy human kind. Maybe then they would get a taste of what me and Diva went through at the Zoo. Why did they hate us so? It's true that we need blood to live, but it's no different than a lion or crocodile attacking a human. It's no different than a human eating meat to get nutrients they need. It's no different than a human slaughtering cattle or chickens for the world's most popular fast food chains. But something stronger, faster, tougher, meaner, and better than a human is looked down upon greatly.

They view themselves as the superior creatures of earth and anything far better than that, has to be extinguished. I've heard others among me call chiropterans disgusting beasts. But they don't notice that they're calling me those names. It hurts to know that's what people think of you.

* * *

Someday, maybe I will find the answers to all my questions. Maybe my kind will be able to be accepted as part of society and not outcasted. Hopefully, we can all live together and not fight wars all the time. Maybe.

Just maybe.


End file.
